|Posted by Brad Amberheart on June 5, 2013 at 4:35 PM|
I never cease to be amazed by how much fun I have doing my work. Today, I offered a free session to a Key West local who was having trouble connecting sexually with his partner at the level he really desired. Key West--my former home of 8 years--was the recipient of my ongoing gratitude today. When the session was over, I left there knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that I had been of great service to this wonderful man, as well as his community of friends and lovers.
Today, the secret was in recognizing the power of our sexual pleasure to benefit ourselves, our bodies, others in our lives...and even the world as a whole. We began and ended the session by standing naked on a pier, hand in hand, staring out over the ocean and acknowledging that our hot sexual communion was lovingly witnessed by all of nature, and that it was a gift to this world. Somehow, this type of sacred sexual communion between men seemed completely natural, and yet...how long has it been lost here, in our culture of clubs and fashion?
I would love to tell you all of the details about just how hot and sweaty and marvelous this session went. I could tell you how--over and over, in the throes of passion, we prayed for ourselves, for our lovers, and for all of those whom we love and who love us. In the midst of pure, unbridled passion, we devoted our ecstatic sexual fun to all of the people and situations in our lives which needed our love and affection...but most of all, we gave it back to ourselves, so that we could walk back out into this world with a contagious passion which heals, blesses, and transforms.
Ecstatic erotic sessions almost always come with some form of "download" of new information, wisdom, or guidance. In the midst of sexually ecstatic pleasure, the mind has no other choice than to "give up"! This freeing of the mind allows us to more fully connect with our subconcious, and also opens up a connection to the innate wisdom of the body and heart. During today's session, we actually came up with a list of ways that "monogamous" partners can have a lot more "fuck-fun". Of course, nearly ALL of these suggestions also apply to lovers and fuckbuddies (not just monogamous couples), but these suggestions may be especially helpful to couples who are feeling a bit stagnant or stuck in their sexual relationship. Here is the list we made today, during our hot love-making:
7 WAYS TO HAVE A LOT MORE FUCK-FUN WITH YOUR LOVER
1) Focus on PLEASURE. One would think that this one is obvious, but unfortunately, most guys are focused on performance rather than pleasure. We want to make sure we get hard, stay hard, and satisfy our parnter, to the point that we forget about enjoying ourselves!
If you're finding that most of your attention is going toward questions such as who is "top" and who can get their dick hard and who can open up enough to enjoy being penetrated, then maybe it's time to focus on some new ways to pleasure one another. Does your partner like to bottom but you've been feeling you had trouble keeping an erection, especially with a condom? Try pleasuring his asshole with your fingers...or a dildo. (It can be helpful to use latex gloves or even a condom over your fingers, especially if your fingernails have just been clipped and are sharp. This latex coating allows for smoother penetration, and best of all...easier cleanup!)
Begin to acknowledge his WHOLE BODY as the pleasure-loving instrument that it is. Enjoy touching him, for once, as if you have no intention of fucking at all, but are focused entirely on enjoying being together and enjoying one another's touch.
2) Try Having Sex in Your Underwear. This suggestion builds on #1 (Focus on Pleasure). Leaving your underwear on can be a perfect way to eliminate the "goal" of penetration, allowing a couple to open to a more full-body kind of pleasure. If you have a certain kind of underwear that you like to wear or you love to see your partner wear, then get that!
3) Practice Top/Bottom Role Play. This suggestion builds direction upon #2 (Having Sex in Your Underwear). This is an invitation to consider other ways to enjoy being TOP or BOTTOM other than actual penetration. There are a million ways to explore this role. You might experiment with pinning you man down (or even restraining him--carefull to use soft fabrics and to not cut off any circulation or cause any "rope burns") and seeing how he likes it when you tease him, pleasure him, or even dominate him. The way you use language can also be a powerful turn-on and can set the tone for who's on "top". I'm not going to try to tell you how to do this. I am simply inviting you to consider the million ways that you can be "top" or "bottom", in addition to the one that everybody seems so focused upon.
4) Try the Receptive Anal Condom. The so-called "female" condom offers a chance for partners to take turns wearing the condom! I find these to be especially helpful for men who may find that traditional condoms interfere with their erection. They're also especially wonderful because you can put them in hours before you have sex, so when it comes time for FUN, you don't have to stop right in the middle of everything to find a condom! The last time I used these, they were still being made by a company called "Reality". If your local pharmacy does not have "female" condoms, then ask them if they can order them. You probably also will be able to find them online, and you may even actually be able to order condoms that are marketed for men, as anal condoms. The condom fits neatly inside the anal opening, and even has a retainer ring that helps it stay in. (You don't have to use the ring, but if it's comfortable enough for you, it can help keep the condom from moving around much.) Don't be turned off by the packaging, which has something ridiculous written on it, like, "Use for Every Sex Act". These "female" condoms probably were made for stuffy British housewives, but once the company finds out how many gay men are using them, maybe they'll modify the packaging for us! Use it, enjoy it, and write the Reality company a letter about good, healthy buttsex!
5) Consider "getting real" about having fuckbuddies. A lot of "monogamous" couples are functioning only because one or both of the partners are actually secretly getting their sexual needs met elsewhere, but not speaking about it. This suggestion I'm making now won't work for everyone, so I would invite you to simply consider where you're at and whether this step might be one you could possibly approach with your partner. The invitation is to consider what sexual needs and desires are being met in the relationship (or not). Consider which needs or desires you are willing to let go of, which of your partner's desires you might actually be willing to engage for a change, and/or which of these desires or needs could best be met by another willing, consensual fuckbuddy or lover! YOU can agree on the terms of these other sexual relationships. For some couples, granting permission to the other to go and fully enjoy his sexual pleasure could be a genuine, authentic act of uncontional love.
6) Watch a sexually delicious movie together. This could be any kind of erotic film that turns you on--artsy or down-right raunchy. If you have different tastes in erotica, then maybe you can just sit side-by-side and watch your favorite sexy films on two separate screens. As you watch, quietly tell yourself, "I love and acknowledge and embrace my partner for his sexual fantasies and turn-ons," but first and fore-most, enjoy YOUR film! Focus on the film, while keeping a peripherial awareness of your partner, sitting by your side, enjoying HIS film.
If you get excited watching these films together, I invite you--at the most--to only lay one hand on the other's thigh. I invite you to sit there, fully aroused, without touching yourself or your partner (except for maybe one hand on his thigh.) We're used to immediately masturbating to "satisfy" ourselves, when we often are really just putting out the fire. This time, see if you can enjoy being terribly excited, without doing anything other than breathing deeply. Breathing is of utmost importance in bringing more pleasure and awareness into your sex life. Breathe deeply from the very core of your body, from your butthole to the crown of your head and back down, while you watch this wonderful fuck-flick or enticing erotica. You may even consider imagining that you are breathing all the way up through your head, out into the heavens, then all the way back down, through your cock and balls and ass, and into the sweet earth...and back. Let the heaven and earth be a part of your wonderful sexual enjoyment--even when you are just "sitting" there, doing your best to be aware of your body and your breath in the midst of an exciting, stimulating visual scene. Remember--this pleasure, this excitement, is fuel which you are using to generate a deeper, more authentic, loving connection with yourself and your partner.
7) Go to Bed (excited) and Hold One Another, Still. This exercise is great if it directly follows #6 (Erotic Film). It's a great thing to do when you're feeling super-horny...or not! The idea is to lie down together, maybe naked or just in your underwear or in whatever you feel like wearing, and to hold one another, body-to-body, face-to-face, and lie perfectly still. Have plenty of pillows available to prop up your heads or to cushion certain body parts which desire even more comfort. Get comfortable. If it's chilly, pull up your down comforter or favorite quilt. Now, holding one another face-to-face, see if you can get so comfortable that you fall asleep in one another's arms...or become so relaxed that you no longer care about anything else other than this moment!
Once you are still and comfortable, become aware of one another's breath, and see if you can easily match your breathing to your partner's rhythm. It can be especially wonderful to do this at a time of the day when you don't normally sleep. That way, you can experiment with total relaxation--or even conscious dream time--outside of sleep time. Awareness of your breath can often induce a state of restfulness which is different than normal sleep, because you are still alert and conscious and awake, but completely relaxed. Otherwise, as an alternative, you could also do this exercise at bedtime, or as part of a nap. (As you become more accustomed to this experiment, you may notice that you are able to remain "awake" in your consciousness, and direct your own dreams, even after you fall asleep!)
The key is that even if you're totally aroused, let your bodies be together in that arousal, and relax back into your normal heart rate and normal resting state without "jumping into" your usual sexual routine. All the while, see just how observant you can be of your body, your mind, your heart, and your overall energy!
Wow! So there we have it! 7 ways to have a Lot More Fuck-Fun (with your "monogamous" partner)! Remarkably, ALL of these 7 suggestions sprang forth from a 2-hour session I did with a man who wanted to bring more pleasure into his life! I didn't charge him for the session, but as you can see, we have all profited because this two-hour experiment in sexually-ecsatic awareness has produced some extraordinary pearls of wisdom. I hope it will benefit many people, in many ways. (And imagine! This was my very first blog entry!)
All text and photos copyright Rev. Brad-Leaf Amberheart © 2011-2017