A new client contacted me the other day with some concerns. He said he was prone to premature ejaculation, and so he asked me if he thought it might be a good idea for him to masturbate the day before his session with me.
I have to admit--I get an automatic hard-on when someone tells me, right before an erotic session, that they have a "premature ejaculation issue". Why? Because I've guided numerous men in how to transform their so-called "premature ejaculation issue" into a source of great sexual fun. Over and over again, I've watched this so-called "problem" become the catalyst for some absolutely mind-blowing erotic experiences. When someone claims to have "premature ejaculation," I know what's in store. (Trust me, I know!)
We've been brought up to believe that it's not good to get too excited. After all, if we build up "too much" sexual excitement, we might get "frustrated" or even worse--we might blow our load before we feel like we're "supposed to". My experience has been that the majority of men's so-called "sexual dysfunctions" actually stem from the anxiety and cultural baggage that we carry around about sexual "performance". When we begin to treat our sex as a feast of pleasure rather than a goal-oriented performance event, then we're in for some really great fun!
Some (really fun) Antidotes for So-Called "Premature Ejaculation"
In Tantra, we say "Everything is an experiment," and so now I would like to extend an invitation. The Invitation is to experiment with letting yourself get thoroughly aroused, and seeing what happens when you stay with that arousal. Try some new things (like just letting your hard cock throb, without touching yourself, and experimenting with deep, conscious breathing), and observe what happens! If you are a man who has claimed to have a "premature ejaculation issue," you are highly likely to see some changes happen when you start to consciously breathe and carefully observe how you experience excitement, arousal, and pleasure in your body. When you start to observe yourself (and especially laugh at yourself), you'll start to bring the care-free spirit of "everything is an experiment" into your self-pleasuring and love-making practices. I invite you to be the observer of your own awakening.
EXPERIMENT: EXCITEMENT, AROUSAL, BREATH, AND TRANSFORMATION
See what it's like to go for at least 48 hours without ejaculating. During this period of 48 hours or more, practice getting aroused and being present with that arousal. Here are some fun things I've tried before. These exercises are a lot of fun (and very effective) when you do them by yourself, and ultimately, they will affect the way you experience pleasure with your partner(s):
STEP A. Try meditating naked. Think of the most delightful sexual fantasies you can imagine. Remember the types of men, encounters, scenes, and images which excite you tremendously. Practice sitting in a chair or in the lotus position (cross-legged, palms up) and letting your hard-on throb without touching yourself!
STEP B. Breathe from your Balls. Remaining in a relaxed meditative posture, begin to breathe deeply, as if you were breathing up, from that tender place between your balls and your asshole. Breathe gently there...in and out. If your excited state relaxes into a state of flacid non-arousal, notice what other parts of your body feel excited, relaxed, alive, or aroused. If you find that your hard-on doesn't go away, then enjoy it! Let is just be there, excited. So many times, we've unconsciously squelched our arousal rather than fully engaging it!
STEP C. "Open the Valve" and Enliven the Body. Imagine that there is a little valve inside of your body, right below your navel. Imagine you're letting it open and close, and when it opens, you let some of that stiff cock-and-ball energy bubble up into your belly.
STEP D. Be the Observer of Your Own Body, from the Inside-Up. Imagine that there is a little camera in your brain, which you can let descend down through the core of your body, to the place just below your navel. From this place, see if you can observe the "bubbling up" of that stiff cock-and-ball energy into your belly. Then let this same energy bubble up higher, into your heart. Notice if you feel calmer, more excited, less erect, more erect, more emotional, etc.
When you do this process, you are--in effect--transferring some of your sexual energy up into your belly (representing your personal empowerment) and into your heart (your love center, as well as your center of life-giving sustenance). This "arousal" then becomes fuel for energizing your body and stimulating your mind.