Sacred Intimacy * Tantric Coaching * Erotic Magic for Men


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Lone Hunters: a Story of the Never-ending Search for Sexual Satisfaction and Fulfillment

Posted by Brad Amberheart on August 2, 2018 at 4:05 PM Comments comments (0)

Gay Men are still searching endlessly, everywhere for great sex. Have we found it?                                     A Message of Hope by Brad Amberheart

Multi-orgasmic whole body orgasmic sensation is generally bypassed….

When two men, specifically, get together for sex, the “recipe“ generally goes something like this: stroke cock, suck cock, fuck…CUM…

What happens when two men get together with the express intention of focusing on absolutely none of these rigid expectations or goals?

What happens is ECSTASY…BLISS…not just Bliss, but whole-body ORGASMIC bliss. Unfortunately, in the endless pursuit to get it on and get off, very few people have ever known the meaning of whole-body orgasmic bliss. Sometimes we hear guys rave about the past…those wild orgies of the 70's, you know...or if we’re in just the right company, we sometimes hear the proverbial tales of ancient times—maybe in ancient Rome or Greece or perhaps India…where there were special temples devoted to sexual celebration, healing and fun...

When was the last time you heard sexually ecstatic orgasmic bliss emanating from the houses in your neighborhood…let alone from a temple?

A man came to me for a session today. He told me, “This really feels strange…unusual…for two men to touch each other this way…”

And I said, “Strange? Which part of it appears out of the ordinary?”

And he said, “Men usually don’t touch each other this way.”

And I said, “What do you mean this way? I really honestly don’t know what you mean."

He was rather at a loss for words, a quiet man. He really couldn’t articulate what he meant, but as I tuned in, I was able to identify, at last, with what he was saying. Men do not normally touch one another tenderly, or so he believed. Men only touch women tenderly. It’s acceptable to touch women tenderly—in fact, it’s expected—but somehow, when it came to touching men, apparently another protocol had been unconsciously ordered. Apparently, the unconsciously-ordered protocol was for men to touch one another harshly, abruptly, strongly…

You know, man-like.

And then I had the pure delight of telling this man, “Yeah, that way of touching other men with strength and force and abruptness… Somehow we’ve come to call that “civilized“. You have to go to the so-called “uncivilized“ world to find those obscure tribes of men who still live together with other men in a remote oasis of Egypt, or in the tucked-away, obscure hidden, lost valleys of Old Mexico… Maybe there, in the “uncivilized world,” you can still find men who touch one another tenderly, as lovers… And they don’t even have to call it anything… Not even “gay”.

“But I’m happy to tell you,” I said to the man in my presence, “that even in the so-called civilized world, there are still a few very scattered and rare places where men still touch one another tenderly, with love and sweet affection and even full-on excitement. Such places are rare. There may only be a few left…but I’m very happy to tell you…You are in one of those places right now. This is it. Welcome home to the place where men still touch each other as lovers. Welcome home to my temple.”

Sex Magic Tip #2

Posted by Brad Amberheart on July 10, 2016 at 12:30 AM Comments comments (1)

Gay Sex Magic Tip #2

Continue to practice blessing people you meet at social functions, online, in bars…When approaching men, especially in a potential “cruising” space such as a bar or an erotically-charged online hook-up site or app, continue the experiment of sending love and affection to the men you see there, without expecting any specific results (ie. without the expectation that you’re going to have sex, or anything else…just an experiment to observe…and learn). When you’re standing face-to-face with another man, what’s it like to imagine the path he has walked just to get to this point, standing here in front of you? Meanwhile, while you’re standing there, allowing yourself to acknowledge the road he has walked, imagine the road you have walked, and acknowledge, for yourself, the journey that brought you here, to this place, now.. Tantra is about observation and new discovery, so while you’re letting yourself see this man—and you—and the path you’ve tread to get there, be sure to take note of what you’re learning about yourself :-)

Sex Magic Tip #1

Posted by Brad Amberheart on June 7, 2016 at 2:25 PM Comments comments (0)


Whisper positive affirmations in the ear of your lover while you are in high states of erotic excitement—like when you’re belly-to-belly and working each other up into a cock-fucking-pleasure frenzy, or even while you’re passionately fucking his ass! The key is to whisper these affirmations—or say them out loud—while in the throes of erotic ecstasy. These are extremely powerful prayers, stated as if they already happened, i.e.. “Your fuckbuddies are magical lovers. We’re nourishing your heart and spanking your hot fucking balls to excite the living fuck out of you, because excitement nourishes the body and feeds the soul. You’re remembering all that you’ve learned on your own, doing the self-love exercises over the past few weeks. It’s synthesizing in you. Hot assfucking is healing, synthesizing, and helping you to re-member…” You might also experiment with saying the affirmations out loud for YOURSELF while you are stroking your cock and massaging your own body, head to toe to asshole.

BREATHING TOGETHER = Hot Marathon Fuck Session

Posted by Brad Amberheart on May 19, 2016 at 11:10 AM Comments comments (0)


The Most Reliable Pathway to a HOT MARATHON FUCK SESSION

BOSTON--Spring Equinox 2016

Brandon* and I had done experimental Tantra sessions before...and in Tantra, everything is an experiment.  In Tantra, there's room for everything!  High and holy and down-right raunchy all become one in the same.  Lover, friend, and fuckbuddy...they all become ONE.  Tantra finds unity in so-called opposites.  Here's what happened when by buddy Brandon and I set out to blaze a new trail together, in bed:

It was an over-the-fucking-top FUCK session with Brandon...a dark-skinned lover with a slightly-stocky, wrestler-type build (yum!).  From what he told me, he NEVER gets to have marathon ecstatic sex sessions, so my gift to him was that I gave him the gift of BREATH.  No lover had ever entered into the consciousness of breath with him.  The truth is, very few people on earth have ever been conscious of their breath for one full minute in their LIVES!  To do so with a lover while having great sex is...well...something BRAND NEW to virtually everyone alive in Earth today, and yet...what we're talking about here is an ancient art...something our ancestors did.  It's so OLD we have to re-birth it and make it new again.  

That's what Brandon and I did, in Boston, on a snowy Spring Equinox day in a suburb of Boston.  We BREATHED...Especially at the height of our excitement, when we both felt like we were going to CUM explosively...we breathed.  "Breathe with me, Lover," I guided him, again and again, at each peak.  

He was a man who told me he NEVER got to have marathon fuck sessions.  Who would've known?  Just pausing now and then and breathing instantly transformed the usual, mundane, so-called "quick release" into a full-body ecstatic experience of pure fucking sexual BLISS that can be ridden like waves, joyously, for HOURS!.  When the excitement felt like more than we could stand, I would say it again, "Hey, you sweet hot fucker...want to stop and breathe with me for a second?"  When we paused, our breaths would become one.  We would let our hearts return to a more normal pace, lying together until we were totally relaxed, and then...we would start moving together again, letting the energy build back.  Sometimes, the energy would build back slowly, from a state of almost-sleeping to a state of full-on fuck-fun.  Other times, it would only take a second or two to go from totally relaxed and motionless to full-throttled ass-fucking delight.  

What FUN!  Brandon learned that just pausing to BREATHE now and then, and communicating with his lover, could forever transform his sex life...and I learned new ways to play with the ways to move sexual energy with my belly, my pelvis, my ass, my balls, and my heart.  I had forgotten what a WILD bottom I could be, and how much I enjoy a man who can FUCK me upside-down, backwards, and sideways--and never cum.  It doesn't matter whether you're someone has NEVER breathed consciously with a lover or whether you're someone like me who's been at it for 15 always learn something new.  And that's what TANTRA really is all about--learning something new!

Here's to Brandon and me...and evolutionary fuck-a-liciously HOT SEX!  Amen.

*Name has been changed to honor the anonymity of a fellow Tantric explorer in Boston.

Sex Standing Up. Is it Better?

Posted by Brad Amberheart on May 10, 2016 at 1:45 PM Comments comments (0)

SEX STANDING UP--is it better?

Enhance your orgasmic pleasure by keeping your spine erect during erotic fun!  

Here’s what happened when a fun fuckbuddy and I decided to STAND UP for pleasure during an experimental Tantric-erotic session last Sunday morning…

We did our ecstatic erotic experiment on 150 acres of private forested property, on an earthen dam by a pond.  We had decided to begin our session in my small tent. I had peeled back the dew-covered rainfly, letting the bright morning sun fall on the thin mesh fabric walls and see-through screen roof of the tent. What a sight the two of us must have been! We were completely alone. Only the trees, the morning birds, and the wild animals received the delight of our shouts, grunts, and groans. Had anyone’s eyes fallen upon my tent, what they would have seen through the tantalizing mesh would have been two men in ecstasy…naked, sweaty bodies intertwined, dancing for joy, horizontally…oooo-YEAH!


But there came this magical point in our session when we took turns standing up. Naturally, my tent is too low to stand up inside, but since the doors were open on both sides, we each stood, one at the time, with our feet inside the tent and the upper half of our body up, out of the tent, erect, toward the sky…


The morning sun was hitting the walls of the tent full-on, so it was hot inside—a least 80 degrees—even with both doors open. Our bodies were both slick with sweat from wrestling with each other naked and cock-wrestling together into ball-busting-hot-horny oblivion (Agh! How I fucking love to feel how hard my dick throbs in my tight camouflage briefs while I sit at my computer writing this!)


There came a point in our session when the heat became so intense that I stood up, with my feet inside the tent and the upper half of my body up, out of the tent, erect, toward the sky…This was a most pleasing position! My hot, horny, sweat-drenched body stood up to breathe, and I found myself being cooled and caressed by the wind, while my hot sweaty fuckbuddy inside the tent continued to relentlessly lick, suck, and caress my hot sweaty cock and balls with his devilishly-fun tongue.


I was aware of how good it felt to arch my back and lean my head back to face the sky and see the late-morning sun over the crown of my head, while my cock got teased, excited, and sucked so good by my hot new fuckbuddy. I got so excited I felt like I was just about to shoot a fucking huge load of cum right down his throat, so instead, I proceeded to start dancing. I danced, gyrating my pelvis, taking ever-deepening breaths from the base of my balls to the crown of my head, and raising my arms up over my head while I sang out with tones, grunts, growls, and shouts for joy.


And most miraculously, even through this state of euphoric oblivion, I still managed to continue to teach my new buddy how to re-direct a lifetime of pent-up horny energy. He had come to me, specifically, to learn how to manage his high sexual energy, have more satisfying sex, and to learn new ways to let his sexual vitality to feed his heart, his mind, and his overall level of creativity in his life. So on this hot and sweaty late-spring morning, alone, together, naked, in the great outdoors, with no one else there to hear us other than the birds and the bees, I told him,


“You see, I’m moving my body this way and tilting my head back because I’m experimenting with how to raise my ecstatic energy level without cumming. Most people unconsciously look down, hold their breath, and become rigid when they get really sexually excited, and so they quickly ejaculate rather than experimenting with high states of erotic ecstasy. They look down toward their dick, while holding their breath, and unconsciously block the flow of ecstatic, life-giving energy between their cock and balls and their heart and mind.”


He looked up from his wonderful, hands-and-knees, cock-licking position, and as I said the words, I touched my heart, then my throat, then my 3rd eye, symbolically reminding both of us of the ascension of hot erotic energy upward, to fuel the heart, the voice, the mind, and beyond…


And then, we switched places! Yummy!


“A lot of people—virtually all of them—never once consider the position of their spine when they’re making love!” I told my orgasmically-excited buddy as he rose up to a standing position to meet the sky, and I proceeded to caress his cock with my whole mouth and tongue, letting the head of his long, hard phallus massage the back of my throat…


Who ever thought I would wind up teaching from this position? I thought to myself, as I continued to pleasure my partner, on my hands and knees, while guiding him to keep his spine upright, his head tilted back, his body moving, and his vocal cords engaged.


My pleasant thoughts continued, even while I “worked”. When somebody told me in 4th grade that I would make a great teacher one day, you can bet your sweet ass they weren’t thinking about this kind of teaching! But what kind of teaching could be better? I mean…when you think about it, there are a LOT of people out there in this world who feel blocked, restricted, and otherwise extremely limited in their sexual expression. “Good sex” seems to mean getting hard, staying hard, and getting the deed done, and yet…here I am, helping a fun, sexually-excited man to his feet, teaching him to dance and move his body and celebrate the same life that’s coursing through these trees right now and causing these birds to sing out like there’s no tomorrow. Is this what people are talking about when they talk about “having sex”. I bet not. I bet they’re talking about something else…something specific…like getting it hard and getting it in there and…


But they never said anything about dancing. They never said anything about dancing, and singing out for joy, and letting the tears stream down my face while I laugh and sing and shudder head-to-toe, trembling like dew on a leaf and feeling my whole body convulse with pleasure and joy. Is this “sex”. You fucking bet it is! Sex of the highest caliber! Sex that fucking rocks the fucking world off its fucking pent-up repressed foundations and returns the power to the people! Sex that honors this body, this heart, and this mind as a part of this intricate web of birds, forest, and creatures that dance and fly! THAT’S what I’m talking about! Can I hear an AY-Men? GAY-MEN!

The Ball-Butt-Belly Breath

Posted by Brad Amberheart on February 1, 2014 at 12:15 AM Comments comments (0)

You can do this exercise with a partner, body-to-body...or you can do it by pleasuring yourself.  When you're with a partner, you're going to have a lot of fun by covering one another in some good oil first.  When you're doing this exercise alone, my favorite way to do it is naked, face-down on a bed with soft sheets, letting the soft fabric stimulate your cock and balls (the "generator"), while using your hands and breath to move the energy up and out of your cock and balls, and into your whole body.  You can also do it on your back, by pleasuring and anointing your own body with oil.  Please read on for details...

Feed the fire down below with your hot arousal. Imagine that your cock, balls, and butt are like a hot fire.  The more aroused and hot you get, the more heat you have to work with!   

Let the fire down below heat up that cauldron in your belly.  Imagine that your belly is a cauldron, being heated by that hot fire down below!  Begin to breathe all of that exquisite erotic energy UP from your butt and balls, into your belly.  I call this the "Ball-Butt-Belly Breath".  Most men unconsciously hold our breath more when we start to get highly excited erotically.  Here is an opportunity to see what happens when you start to be aware of your breath!  Let your breath come in fully, as if you are breathing it in from your butthole, from underneath your balls.  Feel your belly rise and fall, as you pleasure yourslef by touching your body--not only your cock and balls, but your belly, your inner thighs, your heart, and your face.  Get your body excited by touching yourself all over!  Meanwhile, keep on breathing UP from below your balls, into your belly, while you keep that belly gently rising and falling....

Let Your Belly Heat Up, to Become a Red-Hot Lava Chamber.  Imagine that as you continue to fuel the "fire down below" with your arousal and self-pleasuring, and as you continue to breathe the heat UP from your balls and butt, your belly grows hot.  Imagine your belly becoming like a lava chamber.  The lava gets hotter and hotter, a volcano, the hot juices can surge up into your whole body. You can imagine that this time, rather than shooting our hot juices out of our body, we're actually going to let them surge up into our body, to warm our heart.  When you do this, you may notice a softening of your emotions, and more of a link between the hot surge of male erotic fun, and the gentility and openness of your heart.

Let your heart surge, to feed your body and mind.  Now that your heart has been fed and turned-on, it can be free to feed and energize your whole body--especially your mind.  Notice how, by staying in this state of full-body awareness and pleasure for a prolonged period, you experience an opening and clearing of the mind, along with a tingling, pleasurable, vibrating sensation throughout your body.  Continue to massage yourself all over, out from the heart, down your arms, and don't forgot to also massage your own legs and feet, too!  Notice the tingling sensations in your body, all the way out to  your extremeties.  Keep on breathing--now all the way up, from your butt and balls, to you heart, into your head, and back down again...Continue this blissful cycle for as long as you like, and notice how much you see and experience!

Blissfully Yours,



EXERCISE: How to Re-Claim YOUR Safe Place

Posted by Brad Amberheart on January 7, 2014 at 2:30 PM Comments comments (0)

Re-claiming Your Heart's Safe Place

A client said to me today, "I want to continue on this path of creating more erotic pleasure.  What would your advice be for me?"

We had been immersed in euphoric pleasure for about 2 hours, so I felt clear as a bell.  Without even having to think about it, I let my guidance speak for me, and here is what I told him:

Allow your body to remember what this place of safety, love, nurturance, and affection feels like.  The best way you can do that is to give yourself at least one hour per day when you know that you will not be interrupted.  It would be ideal to be able to sit in a sunny spot--even if it is a sunny spot in your living room or kitchen, it will do.

Sit in this place of warmth, close your eyes, and call back that sensation of being embraced, held, and loved.  Allow your body to remember how it feels to be supported in your life.  Remind yourself of all of the people who have encouraged you in your life.  Recognize that these gifts of encouragement are still with you; they can never be taken away once they have been given. ven The support is still here, even if you no longer are friends with those who said them, or even if those people have died or gone on somewhere else!  The support is still here.  As much as this support is about remembering people who have loved and supported you (or still do), it is also about letting your body remember the sensation of being loved.

Repeat to yourself, "The support, nurturance, and love that I need are all around me.  There are _________who are here to nourish and embrace me".  You may choose to use words such as "angels," "spirit helpers", "infinite wisdom," or "Universal support"....simply use nomenclature which allows you to feel the sensation of being nurtured and supported.  Feel it in your body!

Practice taking naps or staying in bed for awhile after you have already had a full night's sleep.  It is important to allow yourself, from time to time, to reach that state where you feel completely relaxed and rested that it almost feels like your whole body can laugh!  It may help to go to bed early at night.  Also, it helps to allow yourself a morning now and then when you have no where to go or nothing to get up and go do.  Even if you have to leave your normal every-day home environment for a day or two, do it!  It helps a lot to disengage the mind and heart from their ongoing, ever-present commitments or perceived obligations.  "But I have too many people depending on me, and so many responsibilities," people may say.  Sometimes, creating the life we deeply desire in our heart is going to necessitate some changes, which might be subtle at first.  Taking a nap, going to bed early, staying in bed late, or taking  "mini-vacations" away from home all might sound like they are hard things to do, but let's face it...there are harder things (like going to a gym...ugh!)  Appreciate these simple, yet life-giving ways to treat yourself to the subtle and powerful pleasures of Rest and Restoration.

Dispelling the Premature Ejaculation Myth: An Exercise

Posted by Brad Amberheart on January 7, 2014 at 2:25 PM Comments comments (0)


I have to admit--I get an automatic hard-on when someone tells me, right before an erotic session, that they have a "premature ejaculation issue". Why? Because I've guided numerous men in how to transform their so-called "premature ejaculation issue" into a source of great sexual fun. Over and over again, I've watched this so-called "problem" become the catalyst for some absolutely mind-blowing erotic experiences.

Try This:  See what it's like to go for at least 48 hours without ejaculating. During this period of 48 hours or more, practice getting aroused and being present with that arousal. Here are some fun things I've tried before. These exercises are a lot of fun (and very effective) when you do them by yourself, and ultimately, they will affect the way you experience pleasure with your partner(s): 

STEP A. Try meditating naked. Think of the most delightful sexual fantasies you can imagine. Remember the types of men, encounters, scenes, and images which excite you tremendously. Practice sitting in a chair or in the lotus position (cross-legged, palms up) and letting your hard-on throb without touching yourself!

STEP B. Breathe from your Balls. Remaining in a relaxed meditative posture, begin to breathe deeply, as if you were breathing up, from that tender place between your balls and your asshole. Breathe gently and out. If your excited state relaxes into a state of flacid non-arousal, notice what other parts of your body feel excited, relaxed, alive, or aroused. If you find that your hard-on doesn't go away, then enjoy it! Let is just be there, excited. So many times, we've unconsciously squelched our arousal rather than fully engaging it!

STEP C. "Open the Valve" and Enliven the Body. Imagine that there is a little valve inside of your body, right below your navel. Imagine you're letting it open and close, and when it opens, you let some of that stiff cock-and-ball energy bubble up into your belly. 


STEP D. Be the Observer of Your Own Body, from the Inside-Up. Imagine that there is a little camera in your brain, which you can let descend down through the core of your body, to the place just below your navel. From this place, see if you can observe the "bubbling up" of that stiff cock-and-ball energy into your belly. Then let this same energy bubble up higher, into your heart. Notice if you feel calmer, more excited, less erect, more erect, more emotional, etc. 


When you do this process, you are--in effect--transferring some of your sexual energy up into your belly (representing your personal empowerment) and into your heart (your love center, as well as your center of life-giving sustenance). This "arousal" then becomes fuel for energizing your body and stimulating your mind.


Five Easy Steps to Begin Unlocking Sexually Ecstatic Pleasure

Posted by Brad Amberheart on November 16, 2013 at 3:40 PM Comments comments (0)

5 Easy Steps to Begin Unlocking Sexually Ecstatic Pleasure

  • 1.  CREATE A SAFE SPACE. Most of us underestimate the importance of actually having a place where we are free to speak our mind and let our body be free. Create this space in your home, or find a place where you can go and feel safe with you lover(s).

  • 2.  SET ASIDE THE TIME. Agree that for this amount of time (usually 2 to 4 hours), we are going to be devoted to letting go of worldly concerns (this means turning off the cell phone completely!) and focusing our full, undivided attention on one another, right here and now.

  • 3.  GET NAKED IN NATURE MORE.  Find safe places where you can safely swim, sunbathe, or even hike naked! (I have hiked naked on large, privately-owned tracts of land in North Carolina, Vermont, and western Massachusetts, for instance.  I also found perfect isolation in Joshua Tree National Park once, for days on end.)

Nature offers uncondiontal acceptance. Many of us have been fighting with body image issues all of our lives, so hanging out naked with other people--or simply being alone in the embrace of a natural setting--can be deeply healing. It also can feel highly liberating! One friend recently told me that one of the most exciting erotic experiences of his life happened alone, in the desert, when he straddled a big fallen tree and masturbated!

  • 4.  TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE. When you learn to have a lot of pleasure and fun with your body, you won't be so dependent upon other guys to make you feel good. I remember once I was at a one-day sensual massage workshop with a lot of guys who didn't have any experience touching other guys consciously. When it came my turn to get on the table and receive a massage, I actually had an out-of-this world, mind-bogglingly-pleasurable experience! The guys touching me didn't have any skills or experience at all, but I simply gave them gentle suggestions about ways they could support me in my pleasure. Meanwhile, I pleasured myself all over my body by moving, breathing, making sound, and touching myself (see for a number of suggestions to increase the fun you have with your own cock and your whole body.)

  • 5.  CHOOSE YOUR PARTNERS WISELY.  Choose your partners based not purely on their physical appearance or societally-appealing images, but more-so on their sensitivity and ability to really enjoy sexual pleasure with other men! It can be a lot of fun to blindfold one another (seriously!) This can 1) help us give ourselves permission to fully receive pleasure from our partner, OR 2) help us focus on the pleasure feel within ourselves, so that we realize how much of our pleasure really doesn't have anything to do with our partner at all! We can trigger joy, wonder, and passion in one another by doing very little! Co-supportive sex partners recognize that we're giving one another the greatest gift we can give by allowing the other the space to fully have his experience, while we're enjoying ours all the while.

7 Ways to Have a Lot More Fuck-Fun

Posted by Brad Amberheart on June 5, 2013 at 4:35 PM Comments comments (1)



I never cease to be amazed by how much fun I have doing my work.  Today, I offered a free session to a Key West local who was having trouble connecting sexually with his partner at the level he really desired.  Key West--my former home of 8 years--was the recipient of my ongoing gratitude today. When the session was over, I left there knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that I had been of great service to this wonderful man, as well as his community of friends and lovers.

Today, the secret was in recognizing the power of our sexual pleasure to benefit ourselves, our bodies, others in our lives...and even the world as a whole.  We began and ended the session by standing naked on a pier, hand in hand, staring out over the ocean and acknowledging that our hot sexual communion was lovingly witnessed by all of nature, and that it was a gift to this world.  Somehow, this type of sacred sexual communion between men seemed completely natural, and long has it been lost here, in our culture of clubs and fashion?

I would love to tell you all of the details about just how hot and sweaty and marvelous this session went.  I could tell you how--over and over, in the throes of passion, we prayed for ourselves, for our lovers, and for all of those whom we love and who love us.  In the midst of pure, unbridled passion, we devoted our ecstatic sexual fun to all of the people and situations in our lives which needed our love and affection...but most of all, we gave it back to ourselves, so that we could walk back out into this world with a contagious passion which heals, blesses, and transforms.

Ecstatic erotic sessions almost always come with some form of "download" of new information, wisdom, or guidance.  In the midst of sexually ecstatic pleasure, the mind has no other choice than to "give up"!  This freeing of the mind allows us to more fully connect with our subconcious, and also opens up a connection to the innate wisdom of the body and heart.  During today's session, we actually came up with a list of ways that "monogamous" partners can have a lot more "fuck-fun".  Of course, nearly ALL of these suggestions also apply to lovers and fuckbuddies (not just monogamous couples), but these suggestions may be especially helpful to couples who are feeling a bit stagnant or stuck in their sexual relationship.  Here is the list we made today, during our hot love-making:



1) Focus on PLEASURE.  One would think that this one is obvious, but unfortunately, most guys are focused on performance rather than pleasure.  We want to make sure we get hard, stay hard, and satisfy our parnter, to the point that we forget about enjoying ourselves!

If you're finding that most of your attention is going toward questions such as who is "top" and who can get their dick hard and who can open up enough to enjoy being penetrated, then maybe it's time to focus on some new ways to pleasure one another.  Does your partner like to bottom but you've been feeling you had trouble keeping an erection, especially with a condom?  Try pleasuring his asshole with your fingers...or a dildo.  (It can be helpful to use latex gloves or even a condom over your fingers, especially if your fingernails have just been clipped and are sharp.  This latex coating allows for smoother penetration, and best of all...easier cleanup!) 

Begin to acknowledge his WHOLE BODY as the pleasure-loving instrument that it is.  Enjoy touching him, for once, as if you have no intention of fucking at all, but are focused entirely on enjoying being together and enjoying one another's touch.

2)  Try Having Sex in Your Underwear.  This suggestion builds on #1 (Focus on Pleasure).  Leaving your underwear on can be a perfect way to eliminate the "goal" of penetration, allowing a couple to open to a more full-body kind of pleasure.  If you have a certain kind of underwear that you like to wear or you love to see your partner wear, then get that!

3) Practice Top/Bottom Role Play.  This suggestion builds direction upon #2 (Having Sex in Your Underwear).  This is an invitation to consider other ways to enjoy being TOP or BOTTOM other than actual penetration.  There are a million ways to explore this role.  You might experiment with pinning you man down (or even restraining him--carefull to use soft fabrics and to not cut off any circulation or cause any "rope burns")  and seeing how he likes it when you tease him, pleasure him, or even dominate him.  The way you use language can also be a powerful turn-on and can set the tone for who's on "top".  I'm not going to try to tell you how to do this.  I am simply inviting you to consider the million ways that you can be "top" or "bottom", in addition to the one that everybody seems so focused upon.


4) Try the Receptive Anal Condom.  The so-called "female" condom offers a chance for partners to take turns wearing the condom!  I find these to be especially helpful for men who may find that traditional condoms interfere with their erection.  They're also especially wonderful because you can put them in hours before you have sex, so when it comes time for FUN, you don't have to stop right in the middle of everything to find a condom!  The last time I used these, they were still being made by a company called "Reality".  If your local pharmacy does not have "female" condoms, then ask them if they can order them.  You probably also will be able to find them online, and you may even actually be able to order condoms that are marketed for men, as anal condoms.  The condom fits neatly inside the anal opening, and even has a retainer ring that helps it stay in.  (You don't have to use the ring, but if it's comfortable enough for you, it can help keep the condom from moving around much.)  Don't be turned off by the packaging, which has something ridiculous written on it, like, "Use for Every Sex Act".  These "female" condoms probably were made for stuffy British housewives, but once the company finds out how many gay men are using them, maybe they'll modify the packaging for us!  Use it, enjoy it, and write the Reality company a letter about good, healthy buttsex!

5) Consider "getting real" about having fuckbuddies.  A lot of "monogamous" couples are functioning only because one or both of the partners are actually secretly getting their sexual needs met elsewhere, but not speaking about it.  This suggestion I'm making now won't work for everyone, so I would invite you to simply consider where you're at and whether this step might be one you could possibly approach with your partner.  The invitation is to consider what sexual needs and desires are being met in the relationship (or not).  Consider which needs or desires you are willing to let go of, which of your partner's desires you might actually be willing to engage for a change, and/or which of these desires or needs could best be met by another willing, consensual fuckbuddy or lover!  YOU can agree on the terms of these other sexual relationships.  For some couples, granting permission to the other to go and fully enjoy his sexual pleasure could be a genuine, authentic act of uncontional love. 

6) Watch a sexually delicious movie together.  This could be any kind of erotic film that turns you on--artsy or down-right raunchy.  If you have different tastes in erotica, then maybe you can just sit side-by-side and watch your favorite sexy films on two separate screens.  As you watch, quietly tell yourself, "I love and acknowledge and embrace my partner for his sexual fantasies and turn-ons," but first and fore-most, enjoy YOUR film!  Focus on the film, while keeping a peripherial awareness of your partner, sitting by your side, enjoying HIS film. 

If you get excited watching these films together, I invite you--at the most--to only lay one hand on the other's thigh.  I invite you to sit there, fully aroused, without touching yourself or your partner (except for maybe one hand on his thigh.)  We're used to immediately masturbating to "satisfy" ourselves, when we often are really just putting out the fire.  This time, see if you can enjoy being terribly excited, without doing anything other than breathing deeply.  Breathing is of utmost importance in bringing more pleasure and awareness into your sex life.  Breathe deeply from the very core of your body, from your butthole to the crown of your head and back down, while you watch this wonderful fuck-flick or enticing erotica.  You may even consider imagining that you are breathing all the way up through your head, out into the heavens, then all the way back down, through your cock and balls and ass, and into the sweet earth...and back.  Let the heaven and earth be a part of your wonderful sexual enjoyment--even when you are just "sitting" there, doing your best to be aware of your body and your breath in the midst of an exciting, stimulating visual scene.  Remember--this pleasure, this excitement, is fuel which you are using to generate a deeper, more authentic, loving connection with yourself and your partner.

7) Go to Bed (excited) and Hold One Another, Still.  This exercise is great if it directly follows #6 (Erotic Film).  It's a great thing to do when you're feeling super-horny...or not!  The idea is to lie down together, maybe naked or just in your underwear or in whatever you feel like wearing, and to hold one another, body-to-body, face-to-face, and lie perfectly still.  Have plenty of pillows available to prop up your heads or to cushion certain body parts which desire even more comfort.  Get comfortable.  If it's chilly, pull up your down comforter or favorite quilt.  Now, holding one another face-to-face, see if you can get so comfortable that you fall asleep in one another's arms...or become so relaxed that you no longer care about anything else other than this moment!  

Once you are still and comfortable, become aware of one another's breath, and see if you can easily match your breathing to your partner's rhythm.  It can be especially wonderful to do this at a time of the day when you don't normally sleep.  That way, you can experiment with total relaxation--or even conscious dream time--outside of sleep time.  Awareness of your breath can often induce a state of restfulness which is different than normal sleep, because you are still alert and conscious and awake, but completely relaxed.  Otherwise, as an alternative, you could also do this exercise at bedtime, or as part of a nap.  (As you become more accustomed to this experiment, you may notice that you are able to remain "awake" in your consciousness, and direct your own dreams, even after you fall asleep!) 

The key is that even if you're totally aroused, let your bodies be together in that arousal, and relax back into your normal heart rate and normal resting state without "jumping into" your usual sexual routine.  All the while, see just how observant you can be of your body, your mind, your heart, and your overall energy! 

Wow!  So there we have it!  7 ways to have a Lot More Fuck-Fun (with your "monogamous" partner)!  Remarkably, ALL of these 7 suggestions sprang forth from a 2-hour session I did with a man who wanted to bring more pleasure into his life!  I didn't charge him for the session, but as you can see, we have all profited because this two-hour experiment in sexually-ecsatic awareness has produced some extraordinary pearls of wisdom.  I hope it will benefit many people, in many ways.  (And imagine!  This was my very first blog entry!)